remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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