Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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