I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
