it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
