No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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