I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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