I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want to make out with him forever
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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