sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
