anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
