i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
