I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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