I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
