come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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