my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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