Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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