Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
