where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
