After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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