I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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