i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
