Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
