If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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