He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
