maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
