Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
