Can i not drive my cunt home
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She's the barista slut.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
