just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
