when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
