I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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