He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
