Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
