i just had sex bonerless
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
