i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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