Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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