I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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