Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
