found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
