He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
