I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
