Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
