i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
