The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
