I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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