R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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