Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
