there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
