I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
