now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
