do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
