My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
