Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
