Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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