Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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