He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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