Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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