You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
