You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
