The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
